My Furry Little Friend

 I found this spider this morning in my backyard--a very attractive one at that. She was resting on the tomato plant. I was in the yard doing dumbell lunges--one thing led to another and soon she was posing for a photo session.

I am missing John's lens that he lent to me for my Malaysia trip. Shooting little friends difficult with my lens. I need a macro.

So stressed--I always loose my appitite and feel manic when I'm stressed--like I'm on a treadmill and I can't get off.
I have officially pulled out of my MFA--returning to finish my MA. The MFA program was not what I wanted. I don't want to sink $10,000 and 2 more years into my Ed. I am dying to finish, get a p/t job for the soicalization and then work like crazy painting and writing.
I believe I can finish my MA by January 2011.
I never worked harder applying for anything then applying for the MFA program---all that effot for what? I'l tell you what. I needed to organize my work and really examine where I've come from and where I am going creatively. It clarrified my goals for me and now I am ready to make it all happen. Plowing through the UBCO MFA hit me like a jail sentence. The classes were repeats of what I know. I knew it was not the MFA for me.
I must leave now and take Pip to her first skating lesson. It is so sunny and warm outside (I am in a tank top) that it will be odd headng into an ice rink. Borrowed little Artemisia's skates for the day as the lesson   came upon me suddenly and I forgot to buy Pip skates.
Mist has 2 friends over, jamming for a David Bowie airband. Tabs is making supper with her friend Mickie. They're starting with a pumpkin pie from scratch. She is making the pastry as I type this.
Signed up for Salsa lessons tonight. Only because I love to salsa dance and I am heading into a fall slump of feeling like I have to get the 'H-E-double-hockey-sticks' out of Kelowna for awhile. I need an "outside of my box" experience to calm myself.

Princess Penelope Scarlett turns 4!

Pippi, yesterday on the very day she turned 4 years old. The dresses for dolly and Pip are from Auntie T and the dolly "Brianne" is from Granny. Pip had an exciting day with presents galore. She will have her party this Sunday at home.
A long road of healing is still being travelled by me. Just walking for exercise. Going for a massage today to try and help my back--I think the stitch may be from back damage I acquired after lifting furniture by myself all December and perhaps from Bikrams?
I have the system that after long periods of emotional stress, my body seems to go into a shock like state and I feel weak and nauseous for months afterword. The difficulty is even recognizing when I'm under chronic stress. I always think pushing issues to the back of my mind to deal with "later" works. It never does, I just keep myself existing in a hidden state of stress. And I don't crash until I get physically sick.
But I have learned much. Most importantly that : A calm mind listens to the body. An agitated mind drives the body.
Needless to say, I am guilty of driving my body constantly and never listening to it.
I am in the midst of big life decisions. But I feel I am on the right road to make OK decisions without falling into the ditch along the way. And I am back to meditating each night at home before bed--it is the least I can do for life balance.

Bark Busters

Kevin from Bark Busters with Fernando the Great. His technique is amazing--based on treating Fernando like the wolf he is. And basically training me to accept he is not human and can't be expected to act like one. Most importantly that I always be the Alpha wolf. That is the key. It is a much harder job than one would think. Being an Alpha wolf means something much different than being an Alpha human. I must ignore all his requests for play, attention--otherwise he is leading me. I must never let him lead going down or up stairs and he must never go through a door before I tell him it is OK. These are just a few of the things we are learning. My correction is a growl "BAHH!" Which, after an entire day, makes my throat raw. Also, by evening Fernando really starts to try to dominate and by that time I am spent. Evening are the hardest, I just want a break from being Alpha wolf. And Fernando senses this and pulls out all his tricks to try to gain domination.
Peter is in Vancouver.
I took the gals out to Tim's for breakfast today. Pip refused to go to preschool. After about an hour she decided she'd try it again. She said, "maybe I had cold mom. But now I all better, so I changed my mind!" I think it was that I mentioned that they'd be talking about pumpkins and doing Halloween crafts all day. When I dropped her off, a little boy ran over and hugged her and introduced himself to me, "I'm Carter." A little gentleman. Artemis was thrilled her cuz had decided to show up after all. She grabbed her hand and led her away from " that Carter." She wasn't going to have some boy steal her fav cousin away, when she'd only just arrived.
I am still recovering from a difficult emotional roller-coaster--feel like I'd been trampled by 100,000 stampeding bison. However, it means for me being more vigilant about my responsibilities and recognizing those that aren't mine. My appetite always plummets under serious emotional stress. But the anxiety fuels my energy so I'm up and at it working out. This is a good side effect. At least if my head falls apart, my body will still be fit.
And on a poo-poo note, the neighbors pulled out of wanting to split the cost of a backyard fence. Rather unneighborly and cheapskate of them, I do declare.

Camp Poverty

Mistaya and Sara after 24h living outside on 1$ a day and having to walk 2 km for their water supply. Including a few hours of breaking rocks as "child labour."

Day one of living outside on 1$ a day. It rained the entire weekend on the girls. They were cold and wet. Peter and I were frantic, trying to persuade them to let us dry out their equipment for them. They ate almost nothing: dried ichiban noodles, raw cranberries and water. They camped in our backyard under the overhang to keep dry. Luckily it only got down to 7 oC at night. Still, such a worry. Considering it is swine flu season. I did not want them getting cold and weak from lack of nutrition. So...after 30 h I decided I wanted to pull the plug on their poverty expedition. It was too wet out side, too cold and they did not have enough to eat as their cranberries molded. I came home from a supper party up at M and J's ready to fight them into the house for a meal and warm bed. To my surprise they were huddled in the kitchen, white as ghosts. Apparently, they were lying outside in their sleeping bags in the dark, trying to pass the long cold evening, when suddenly the sound of thundering hooves startled them. A giant buck (horse size) with 14 pt. antlers thundered by, just missing trampling their heads. It was running from the street, through our back yard, into the park behind our home. The shock of a giant animal trampling through their camp frightened those little POPs beyond all.  I bribed them to call an end to their Camp Poverty with promise of Taco Time burritos and ice cream for dessert. They agreed out of post buck-shock.
I can say though, they are two dedicated girls who have suffered cold, hunger, boredom and unexpected wilderness threats. They'll have many stories to tell their Grandchildren. They also filmed their experience--they're using it for their presentation they plan on taking around to all the elementary schools to raise awareness of how many children live in poverty.
My hat goes off to Mistaya and Sara--two amazing little girls with big girl ambitions, courage and compassion.
Such a difficult weekend. Relationship stress. I am a soggy wet old dishcloth. I want to cry--to relieve the stress, but man, I just don't cry very easily at all. And oh, how a good boohoo used to feel so good. Now I get emotional asthma. Yuck. Crying was so much easier than wheezing lungs.
BTW, Tabs and Pip were little darling poopsies all weekend too.

Gewurztraminer & Ghomeshi

Tabby and Pippi and their tummies. My mom comes tomorrow which is also her birthday.Tonight the girls and I will order her cake--the girls voted on a DQ cake. I am thrilled as I believe DQ soft serve is a cure all food. Seriously. Any down turn of mind or body--just order yourself a small Blizzard, put a comedy in the DVD player and you'll be better by morning.

Very stressed. Mistaya was left without pick up after drama rehearsal at school and no one called me. Finally, after waiting half an hour for Peter and Mistaya to arrive home, I called to see if Peter had picked her up as I assumed. No answer. I had called and left him a message at 3:30 to remind him.  So, I had no choice but to race to the school to see what was up. She was there--waiting. I gave her a lecture about calling me immediately when no one was there to pick her up. 

Anyway, I had to break open a bottle of Gewurztraminer to calm my nerves. Wish me luck folks...this week has been riddled with situations that have left me feeling so frustrated.

I must mention that Jian Ghomeshi deserves a standing ovation for the interview he attempted with the creepy Billy Bob Thornton. Thornton was beyond vile and Jian was beyond Zen. I believe that even the Dalai Lama might have possibly demonstrated less restraint when dealing with the likes of an ego maniac like Thornton. Bravo Jian!