A Dose of Modern Motherhood

Pip shares my fashionista personality.

I've been a single parent most of this week. My husband travels a lot with his work. I used to like to accompany him to most conferences but now, I simply cannot. Life is too busy on the home front.

Yesterday evening, I decided to catch up on a few chores by driving my children around to pick up various supplies they need for their extra-curricular activities. We headed out at 4 pm and did not return until nearly 8 pm--four hours of driving from place to place--we managed to stop at nine different destination locations. I was spent. How does one parent in this age? Three children all needing Halloween costume supplies, piano lesson supplies, new running shoes for gym class, new skates for skating lessons, eye medicine for a sudden case of pink-eye.

I am not an errand loving kind of a girl. I like leisure time. I love having fun with life. So how did this happen to me? I work-out  and walk/run my dogs in the morning, work on my career all day and the evenings/weekends are house/children's errands, lessons.

There is no leisure time for me. Just before bed I meditate and read a little Dharma. I get up early,

before the sun and head out running with my dogs, and then it all starts all over again. However, running through the forest before the sun is up is truly one of the day's highlights. Forests smell so good in the damp, cool morning.

Me and my baby girl. 

I get why people are having smaller families in this century. If I had one kid, perhaps I'd have 3 stops, 2 kids--6 errand stops. I also understand why so many big families home school. If you have 5 kids, I dare say, it would be impossible to keep up with the errand demands if they attended public school. The wardrobe and supply shopping is endless. 

Yes, my daughters love fashion, just like their mom, but having the time to shop for fashionable clothing items is almost unheard of in our weekly errands. I consider that type of shopping, fun, almost like leisure time.

However, I am deeply grateful that I have been blessed with three babes to raise. And I intend to find some way to cut down on the endless errands, so that one day, perhaps, we might actually get to do nothing and go nowhere.

Pip and I on a recent fall day. I think age 6 is the perfect
fashionista age-absolutely anything goes. There are no
limits to the outfits one can create and wear.

How My Dog Taught Me to Be a Better Mom

* This post appeared last month in Circle of Moms' Blog. It has not yet appeared on my blog so with Circle of Moms permission, I post it for my readers:

 My daughter is twelve. She is my middle child and she's just starting middle school. The school change has caused some hick-ups. She's always been a child who resists new. She clung to her worn running shoes, her old bed mattress (begged us not to take it to the dump even though the dog peed on it one too many times). She was my only baby who rejected her first solid food. My other two babies were thrilled to taste the mushy rice cereal, as though it were Haagen-Dazs. Not my middle girl, she spit it out; only breast milk would do. 

 What I didn't count on is how her picky eating would eventually catch up to her in her tween years. She gets sick, often--cold viruses, stomach bugs, aches and pains. I've taken her to the doctor, had her blood tested. She is healthy enough, though she has become gluten intolerant--I blame this on her picky eating. Her favorite thing has been white bread products. I believe she over did it and has now become sensitive to wheat. While her body battled the gluten, her intestines became inflamed and she absorbed little nutrients. The outcome is that she has become, suddenly, anemic (very low in iron). I've been worried about my girl for months--she seems tired, weepy, less social, less focused. The girl who organizes everything with detailed lists and labels, suddenly began loosing jackets and hoodies at school. 

What started out as childhood pickiness is now effecting not only her health, but energy level and school attendance.

A picky, gluten intolerant eater soon becomes a too-thin, anemic tween. My daughter's eating habits were not going to change on their own. I had to change them. When doctors and self help books failed, I looked to my dog for the answer. Training my new puppy might give me ideas on how to train my daughter. My pup has behavioral issues, ones that could ultimately affect his life. At five months Pablo (my pup) demonstrated very aggressive behavior towards other dogs. I've spent the last six months training him with unflinching dedication in situations that are often terrifying and emotionally exhausting. I  must lead him. On his own, he is self-destructive. My daughter's eating habits have also become self destructive, I must lead her to a safer path. The training never ceases. It's not like we get it now, move on. No, the training is constant, vigilant. Each day is a new day with successes and set backs. But we're on the right path of strong leadership

She eats what I make her now. I keep everything gluten free and healthy. She must drink a super-antioxidant rich glass of juice each morning as well. She hates this, plugs her nose and gags as though its medicine. She is also on iron supplements. I insist she eat what I put on her plate. I am not cruel, I don't force her to eat things she absolutely has always detested, but I am unflinching, dedicated, tough. When my child is damaging her own health with picky eating, it is unflinching, parental  assertiveness that gives me hope that she will become well nourished and strong. How did I become this assertive parent?  Training my aggressive dog has made me stronger. I can lead, even the most obstinate child, to a safer path.

Hit The Bully Where It Hurts

My life as a teen: The photographs above and below are of my sister, 

Catherine and I during our teen years circa 1980's 

and also of a friend(Randy) and my dog McDuff 

(the most amazing brother a girl could ever hope for-I miss him, a lot)
Me (I made the flapper-inspired dress I'm wearing), Catherine and McDuff)

Bullies, and bullying--the media screams these words since the horrific suicide of young Amanda Todd, a fellow British Columbian. Because of the cyber-world, bullying can now exist within another dimension that seems impermeable.  We may never stop the bullies but we can educate our children on how to handle a bully.  #1. Tell.  Let the world know about this bully. You don't have to tell your parents, but tell your friends and tell people in authority positions. The bigger your army, the better your chance of bringing the bully to his/her knees. One thing I know for sure, ignoring a problem never makes it go away.

However, when all else fails, sometimes you have to take the bully down with his/her own poison:

McDuff, Me and Randy (the photographer didn't tell me the wind took my skirt!).

McDuff, Me and Catherine (yes, believe it or not, everyone loved our hair and we 
used to get stopped and asked who our hairdresser was :P).

I want to share an experience I had as a teen with bullying and how I conquered my bullies. I am not recommending that teens try this themselves, per say, I am only describing what happened to me and what I did about it. I was a teen in the 1980's. Sexual harassment was still pretty much unheard of. I was the fashionista teen. I made my own designer outfits--always avant-garde. For a few of my teen years, I attend a rural high school on the prairies. The students were not accustomed to high fashion. I stood out, in a big way, in my flared mini-skirts and high-fashion ensembles. My outfits were admired by most of the females in my school but some of the males...well, they couldn't handle a young woman confident enough to wear daring, outside-the-box fashions. A few of the boys (older than I was by a coupe of years) found my fashionista persona threatening to their country-boy masculinity. I was stopped in the hall by skirts lifted with rulers, sneers "sexy legs" "Do you shaves those sexy legs of yours?"

Me and Catherine, goofing around. (Yes, I know it should be Catherine and I, 
but I like to put the name under the person in the pic!)

If this happened today, I'd tell all girls to press sexual harassment charges and document the abuse. In those days, I was alone. I didn't have a big posse of friends who were interested in protecting me and my parents advice was: "Just ignore them, all they want is attention." My friends ignored the bullies and I tired to. But ignoring a problem is not my style, never was.

I fought back--alone--told no one of my plan. I decided to do to the bullies exactly what they did to me. I stopped them in the halls, first-before they had a chance to stop me, made fun of their "cool plaid shirts" and "manure stomping boots." Walking down the hall with my friends, I would stop in my tracks if one of the bullies walked past. I'd look him up and down, as though visually undressing him (as he always did to me). My friends had no idea what I was doing. They'd watch in confusion as I stopped, stared the guy down and asked him if he shaved those sexy legs of his.

Randy and I--the photo shoot was actually an assignment 
of his and he asked if we'd model for him.

The bullies didn't know what to make of me. At first they tried to be cool, keep up the abuse but when I beat them to all their lines, they got flustered. The bullying ended. The bullies still had contempt for me, but they became pouty little boys, disappointed I'd ruined their fun and limited their bullying to cowardly phrases under their breath.

I can't recommend this as a cure-all for bullying. But it worked for me. Though, for it to work, one must be determined to do it--no fear--throw the bully's poison right back at him/her. That was my style as a teen and it worked for me.

I've blogged about how I dealt with my daughter's bully in, Mall Bully Meets Modernista Mama. The blog caused a lot of controversy: How dare I bully the bully? How dare I crack a few jokes in the blog?

Well, to clear up that controversy, I will say, that it is a blog post, not intended as an essay or news' article and thus the post is casual and written with a little humor (at myself) in the fist paragraph. And I stand by everything I did to that bully. In a world of men and boys thinking they can dominate and abuse women--I will do what ever it takes to set the boy straight. The sooner he learns it's not okay to abuse women and girls-the better his chances of leading a good and happy life--this is the teacher in me. I actually do care what happens to the bully boy. Obviously, he needs a strong adult in his life to tell him what is and isn't okay. Tough love. But most importantly, I work for my girls. No one messes with my girls..

A Most Beautiful Resilience

It is the most inspirtational thing to witness a child work through personal problems, using their own imagination to create an entire team of support.

Pippi went to skating lessons on Monday evening. Towards the end of the 45 minute class, her teacher brought her crying from the ice. Pippi said her tummy hurt and that she'd fallen and hurt her head and tummy (she was wearing a helmet). She seemed very upset and weepy. When we got home she confided in me that she did not like skating lessons. She felt all the other kids were better skaters than she and skated much faster than she could. When she tried to catch up, she always fell down.

Pippi Full of Fun

I went about making supper and reassured her that she was just as good a skater as the other kids. She disagreed and said her tummy hurt again.

Then she got busy with paper, scissors and pencil crayons. A few minutes later Pippi said to me, "Gilbert is going to help me with my skating." I asked her who Gilbert was. It seems, Gilbert is a dear friend of Pippi's. He is a monster who lives in Kelowna. She has 3 other monster friends: Dill, a troll who lives in Africa and speaks French and English, Jackie a vampire who lives in Japan (she speaks no English) and Sam, a grass monster who lives in Africa. Each monster helps her with different areas of her life. Gilbert is a skating expert, Dill is a gymnast, Jackie helps Pip with soccer and Sam helps Pip with Gymnastics as well.

Pippi at Play

She showed me Gilbert and his walkie-talkie and her receiver. She will wear the receiver and ask Gilbert for advice while she skates. Gilbert will oblige with top-notch advice through the walkie-talkie system--skating dilemma solved!

 I also suggested I take her to practice during public skating times and she liked that idea as well.

Pippi told me her friends are flying on airplanes to the city where we live. She said, "Do you know why they're coming?" I said no. She said, "To visit me and my Granny."
(Pippi is very excited that my mom is coming later this week to look after her while Peter and I are at conferences). She said, "Gilbert has special vision, he can see the planes coming from Africa and Japan before anyone else. He said he'd phone me and tell me when he sees them coming (Gilbert is the only monster who lives in BC with Pippi). However, I have been coached that Pippi's entire crew of monsters wear watches that make them invisible, so I won't be able to see them when they arrive for the visit.

Walkie Talkie/    Gilbert/     Receiver Pippi wears on her Skating Pants

Good Luck Skating Charm From Jackie/ Sam's phone/ Dill's Phone

Jackie's Japanese Phone

ON BEING A GIRL

Pippi and I and One of My Favorite Nieces, Artemis--Who Just Happened to Arrive at Starbucks with Her Mom at the Very Same time As Us (totally unplanned).

Pippi vs. the Banana Cake (Pippi won). My Mom Made the Smocked Dress She's Wearing (William Morris Print Fabric).

Physics Homework While Texting

October 11, 2012 was the Earth's first ever International Day of the Girl. I celebrated with 2 of my daughters and my niece at Star Bucks while my other daughter was at her volleyball game. I came across a few quotations, by famous women on CNN. The women were asked what they'd tell their 15 year old self? The below quotes are my personal favorites from CNN Online--except for the last 3, they are quotations by me (Mix Hart) and  my 15 year old daughter, Mistaya and my 12 year old daughter Tabitha (because she really wanted to get her 2 cents in). I asked them what they'd tell their 40 year old self if they could speak to her now. The quotes are powerful and really make me think, even cry at memories of some of my biggest setbacks and hopes for the future.

To all my fellow sisters on Earth today: we hold nature's strongest bond in our DNA, the XX.  We first must nurture ourselves and then lead the world.

What Would You Say to Your 15 Year-old Self?
"Many things--especially your biggest heartbreaks--will only make sense as you look back, not as you are experiencing them. Many of what seem at the time to be your biggest setbacks will end up leading to your biggest opportunities, and in ways you can't predict." Arianna Huffington, Editor in Chief. Huffington Post.

"You have no ides how the future will unfold. But it will unfold, slowly and quickly and slowly again. In ways that you cannot now begin to imagine...Relax and let the future arrive on its won time and in its own way. Allow yourself to be astonished." Robin Bernstein,  Harvard Historian.

"Keep going, follow your passions and become engaged with the world and stay true to your self."
 Melanie Verveer, US Ambassador at large for Global Women's Issues.

"Don't be discouraged if there aren't enough role models paving the way for you. Imagine the future as you want it to be and you will succeed."
Cherie Blair, Cherie Blair Foundation for Women.

"Never think that someone else knows what's best for you. Trust your way and don't ask for much advice. Learn how to be quiet and still enough to hear your own voice. Its up to you: your voice will either be silenced or will get to roar." Maria Shriver, Activist, Journalist.

"Each day of your life, continue to educate and challenge yourself to grow intellectually, creatively, spiritually, socially and physically stronger. . . One's success cannot be measure by units in time, it is the culmination of how one has lived an entire life. . . Hope is the key to success and doubt the key to failure. " Mix Hart, Author, Artist, Activist and Adventurer (sorry, I couldn't resist, the 'A' words just kept flowing).

What Would You, being 15, Say to Your 40 year-old Self?
"Always be able to connect and relate to youth...Keep a circle of friends and have it include at least one really good friend...Keep current with fashion and hold onto your passion for music." Mistaya age 15, Student, Dancer and Musician.

"Don't try to be cool," Tabitha age 12, Student, Singer, Musician and Soccer player.

The Training of Pablo

The following photos are of my daughter, Tabs and my Old Boston Bull Dog, Pablo. Tabitha has a special bond with Pablo. She insists she gets to take him with her when she leaves for University (many years from now). I said, of course. 

I've had a difficult puppyhood with Pablo. He has special needs. His breed was cultivated to be fighting dogs. He has the instinct to act aggressively toward any other dog that shows any aggression toward him--he'll fight to the death. After seven solid months of vigilant and exhausting training, Pablo turns one year old. With his age comes wisdom. We've conquered some of our biggest training hurdles. He is extremely bright and learns quickly--this has contributed to the successes I've had in controlling his aggression. That and the Dogstra vibration collar pictured below. It's expensive but it works (in water too if we're in the lake). When Pablo goes into attack mode (towards another dog) I have to remind him to sit or come using the collar. I can now walk Palo and his dog-bro together again. They used to feed off of each other's energy and go ballistic every time we passed another dog. Not anymore, they heel and keep right on walking. If the other dog lunges at them aggressively, Pablo will lunge back but then I make him sit and stay until he is calm and we carry on.

Each day is a new day and I can never let down my vigilance as pack leader. Training a dog is like raising children; one doesn't master the job after a good year of dedicated work. The job is always there with new challenges and some old ones that need constant monitoring. 

Although I agreed to let Pablo leave with Tabs, I am sure he will have become the absolute perfect dog and I won't want to part with him. However,  I'll let him go with my Tabs, because, although she might like Pablo to be a part of her campus life, I'm sure good, old Mom won't be quite as enthusiastically welcomed.

* Have a beautiful September Sunday! I will post this and then wake up my youngest girls to walk down the mountain with me and the boys (our weekly hike down to the lake and back)--the mornings are cool enough now that Fernando (my black pug) can do the hike too, without over heating. My eldest daughter is out of town with a friend (helping at a Party for The Green Party--see you soon Mist!
Update: Just returned from the morning hike down the mountain and I am very sad to say that Pablo was horrible, just horrible *tears of frustration* He was determined to keep lunging at an aggressive Scottish terrier and refused to lie down for me to submit--tried to bite my hands. The training truly isn't over until its over--one no longer has a dog. Wish me luck as I realize our training journey has only just begun...sigh....sigh...weep...weep...

  *If you enjoy my blog, please send a vote my way. Click on the Circle of Mom's button in the top right corner of this page and scroll down to vote for Modernista Mama. You can vote once a day until contest closes.
Thank-you to all those kind souls who have been diligently voting for me! 

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Ambrosia of Japanese Anime

 My daughters range in age from teenage, to tween, to first grade. I am never more joyful than when I am with them, just having fun. Sometimes their interest vary, because they are at different stages of childhood. I like to make time for each of my daughters, to hang with them for a little while and experience the things they enjoy. The other night my teenage daughter and I created a themed supper together.

 My daughter Mistaya is obsessed with Japanese pop culture. I've always had an interest in Japanese culture too. With me, my interest in Japanese culture stared at age six when we had a Japanese university exchange student named Misa live with our family. For Mistaya, it started when I first introduced my wee little girls to Hayao Miyazaki. She was still in preschool. I believe the first movie I got for them was Kiki's Delivery Service. It was fitting because later, when her youngest sister (Pippi) was learning to talk, she couldn't pronounce Mistaya and tried to call her Misty but it came out as Kiki. 

Mistaya is now studying Japanese language at school and continues her cultural studies at home through her Manga and Anime collections. I was treated to an evening immersed in Japan with Mist this week. We made homemade sushi, sipped green tea and watched 2 Hell Girl episodes. Hell Girl is really dark--a little dark for me. But our yam rolls were wickedly good. 

*If you enjoy my blog, please send a vote my way. Click on the Circle of Mom's button in the top right corner of this page and scroll down to vote for Modernista Mama. Thank-you! You can vote once a day until contest closes.

Mistaya and our sushi feast

Mistaya and her favorite shushi rolls (yam and avacado).

Our homemade Green Dragon yam rolls.

Spider Whisperer

You know fall is right around the corner at my house when Ms. Spider moves in. Every fall we find a few black widow spiders in our home. Mistaya found this lovely girl above our piano yesterday. I believe in karma--If I don't hurt spiders, they won't hurt me. Thus, I have become a black widow whisperer--I relocate black widows from my house, friends homes--call me and I'll get rid of your uninvited spider guest. I reject the dull title of spider-relocater, for the more dangerous sounding: spider-whisperer. Black widows are especially dangerous to children and small pets. Their venom is fifteen times more toxic than that of a rattlesnake. Though, they are reclusive creatures and almost never bite humans unless surprised and frightened.

She was an especially difficult and feisty guest, she was not going without a fight. The black widow kept lowering herself on a string-web, avoiding me and my jar. Black widows are not the best web spinners--they don't like to move vertically--they like staying in one place. She was getting upset with me, her arms flailing. However, I am happy to report I relocated her to the forest and I did not get bitten. The pictures were difficult to take as she was so close to the ceiling that my camera wouldn't fit with the flash up. Enjoy viewing our lovely house guest (who now enjoys a life in the forest) :

Riding on Sunbeams

Riding on Sunbeams

Photographs and text by Mix Hart

On Top of a Mountain

Riding Sunbeams with a Friend

Her Soul Finds Summer

A Spectacle of Eternal Moments

Where Heaven and Earth Collide

 Splendor in unabashed  Grandeur

Dancing to the Beat of Rapture

She Breathes in Beautiful 

Summer Date

Yes, my lovely date likes to apply her own blue eyeshadow on such fancy occasions as a date with Mommy.

These photos were taken on labour day. The last day of summer for the Pip and I. We had a date. We dressed up in our new dresses, went to the park and then for coffee. And now my beautiful, darling baby girl is in first grade.
My other beautiful darlings are in eleventh grade and seventh grade. Mist is not happy with her schedule at school. She's taking nothing but academics, French and Band. She really wants to take Japanese for fun--so I will find time to meet with the counsellors to see if we can make this happen.
Tabitha has not made it to school yet this new term. She has been ill with a mystery fever and headache for 4 days now. No other symptoms except tiredness, fever and significant head ache. I worry, late summer is the time for West Nile etc. And we spent time in the Southern States and Oregon this summer--lime disease. I've taken her to the doctor but for now it is a waiting game to see if she gets better or worse in the next few days. My mind stops when my babies are sick. I cannot focus on anything but their return to health.
September is my least favorite month of the year. I do not like saying goodbye to summer--never have. 

The Monkey's Girls

It's easier to make a movie of what my house is like in the summer time. So here it is: most of my monkeys on a summer evening:

Sweet Home Alabama

I posted this video for my Facebook friends to see but I realized I hadn't posted it yet for my blog readers--those who perhaps are not on my Facebook list. So here it is. Our family on the Gulf Coast of Mexico at a beach near Orange Beach, Alabama. The water is warm and the sand powdery--lots of fish, dolphins, herons, cranes and brown pelicans. I miss that beach. 

The French Quarter, New Orleans

New Orleans is proving to be just how it is portrayed in movies and books: hot, humid, fascinating-- I move slow and must have a cold drink in hand at all times. I cannot imagine how anyone survived the summers down here before the invention of air conditioning. I love the weather. I have always adored hot and humid. I accept my fate and move slow, with icy drink in hand. It is not so easy for children. My girls are having difficulty adjusting to the heat, little Pip especially. She gets scarlet after about fifteen minutes outside and we must carry her to reach our destination. We have learned very quickly that we must rise early and attempt our site seeing adventures before noon. At noon we must retreat to the hotel or the air conditioned mall beside the hotel (we are at The Westin on Canal Street which is beside a very upscale mall) until about six p.m.  Our hotel is in The French Quarter so we can walk everywhere (kids willing).
 It is fascinating to explore the historical streets. The New Oreleanians are very chatty and friendly--I quite enjoy the banter with strangers. The edge of the French Quarter has a housing project on its street. It is right beside New Orleans most famous and oldest Grave yard. We were going to attempt it yesterday afternoon but the girls were far too overheated to walk there. Peter took the little ones back to the hotel and the Mist and I continued exploring the historical landmarks throughout the Quarter--stopping for iced tea and ice cream for Mist at every chance. We learned that all government buildings (museums included) are closed on Mondays :(  --and that one can purchase a pickle in a pouch to go!--this we found a little disgusting for some reason: a bag of brine with a pickle inside. One can see a little of the effects of hurricane Katrina if one looks very closely at the buildings for water damage but other than that, the French Quarter seems to be in full splendor.
I am not thrilled with the Southern diet. It is so heavy and sweet. Everything has a sauce and drinks like syrup. I order a dish I assume is sauceless but somehow they have found a sauce or two to pour all over it! Below are a few photos of our fist day out. I am saving the Voo-Doo museum and ghostly history for another blog though. Bourbon Street after seven proved too risque for my crew. It was like walking around the Red Light district in Amsterdam for me, thus I do it with curious eyes and mind. My crew was frightened by its seediness so we exited early--loved the live jazz streaming from the bars we passed by!
-posted during a wee hot afternoon break, between sight seeing expeditions.

Peter practicing his New Orleans shuffle.

Hotel Moneleone--The original proprietor Antonio Moneleone was from Sicily. It is said to haunted by up to 12 ghosts. Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams and William Faulkner were guests.

The girls and I exploring Royal Street.

Pip's feeling the heat!

New Orleans Police Station--originally the Bank of Louisiana.

Royal Street.

New Orleans Court House. Edward White--judge represented in statue (thanks to Tabs for remembering his name).

Peter, Mist and Pip

This man sang in the street all day long! His voice was low and powerful. Amazing Grace boomed throughout the streets as we explored this area of French Quarter. 

Named after two sisters: Berth and Emma Camors, who ran a notions shop at this location--now a restaurant.The sisters were aristocratic and their shop clothed many society women in New Orleans.

Peter on Saint Peter's Street.

The French Quarter

Tabs, Peter and Pip with The Saint Louis Cathedral's rectory behind them. Includes a monument of 30 French who all died on one ship of yellow-fever in 1857.

A Charming French Quarter Street of homes. The French Quarter has existed since before the civil war. New Orleans celebrates its 200th birthday this year.

Pip has had it with the heat.

Saint Louis Cathedral at Jackson Square. The oldest cathedral (1794)  in the USA that is still in use. 

Jackson Square. The court yard is modeled after decorative sun patterns of King Louis XIV of France.

Corn Stalk  Fence Hotel --love the name. The fence has corn stalks on the top of it.

The Riverwalk along the Mississippi River.

Mississippi paddle wheeler behind us.

On the Riverwalk. It had to be 115 F.

Mist with the Mississippi and the Creole Queen behind her.

Mist surveying the Mississippi from our hotel lobby--The Westin.

Snowballs, a New Orleans tradition, save the day!

Enjoying those snowballs in the hotel lobby!

Pete and Tabs hot foot'n it down Bourbon Street.

Not sure which way to turn...

Bourbon Street

Bourbon Street on  a Monday evening. The girls found the street creepy. We headed for a less 'adult' street.