Hit The Bully Where It Hurts

My life as a teen: The photographs above and below are of my sister, 

Catherine and I during our teen years circa 1980's 

and also of a friend(Randy) and my dog McDuff 

(the most amazing brother a girl could ever hope for-I miss him, a lot)
Me (I made the flapper-inspired dress I'm wearing), Catherine and McDuff)

Bullies, and bullying--the media screams these words since the horrific suicide of young Amanda Todd, a fellow British Columbian. Because of the cyber-world, bullying can now exist within another dimension that seems impermeable.  We may never stop the bullies but we can educate our children on how to handle a bully.  #1. Tell.  Let the world know about this bully. You don't have to tell your parents, but tell your friends and tell people in authority positions. The bigger your army, the better your chance of bringing the bully to his/her knees. One thing I know for sure, ignoring a problem never makes it go away.

However, when all else fails, sometimes you have to take the bully down with his/her own poison:

McDuff, Me and Randy (the photographer didn't tell me the wind took my skirt!).

McDuff, Me and Catherine (yes, believe it or not, everyone loved our hair and we 
used to get stopped and asked who our hairdresser was :P).

I want to share an experience I had as a teen with bullying and how I conquered my bullies. I am not recommending that teens try this themselves, per say, I am only describing what happened to me and what I did about it. I was a teen in the 1980's. Sexual harassment was still pretty much unheard of. I was the fashionista teen. I made my own designer outfits--always avant-garde. For a few of my teen years, I attend a rural high school on the prairies. The students were not accustomed to high fashion. I stood out, in a big way, in my flared mini-skirts and high-fashion ensembles. My outfits were admired by most of the females in my school but some of the males...well, they couldn't handle a young woman confident enough to wear daring, outside-the-box fashions. A few of the boys (older than I was by a coupe of years) found my fashionista persona threatening to their country-boy masculinity. I was stopped in the hall by skirts lifted with rulers, sneers "sexy legs" "Do you shaves those sexy legs of yours?"

Me and Catherine, goofing around. (Yes, I know it should be Catherine and I, 
but I like to put the name under the person in the pic!)

If this happened today, I'd tell all girls to press sexual harassment charges and document the abuse. In those days, I was alone. I didn't have a big posse of friends who were interested in protecting me and my parents advice was: "Just ignore them, all they want is attention." My friends ignored the bullies and I tired to. But ignoring a problem is not my style, never was.

I fought back--alone--told no one of my plan. I decided to do to the bullies exactly what they did to me. I stopped them in the halls, first-before they had a chance to stop me, made fun of their "cool plaid shirts" and "manure stomping boots." Walking down the hall with my friends, I would stop in my tracks if one of the bullies walked past. I'd look him up and down, as though visually undressing him (as he always did to me). My friends had no idea what I was doing. They'd watch in confusion as I stopped, stared the guy down and asked him if he shaved those sexy legs of his.

Randy and I--the photo shoot was actually an assignment 
of his and he asked if we'd model for him.

The bullies didn't know what to make of me. At first they tried to be cool, keep up the abuse but when I beat them to all their lines, they got flustered. The bullying ended. The bullies still had contempt for me, but they became pouty little boys, disappointed I'd ruined their fun and limited their bullying to cowardly phrases under their breath.

I can't recommend this as a cure-all for bullying. But it worked for me. Though, for it to work, one must be determined to do it--no fear--throw the bully's poison right back at him/her. That was my style as a teen and it worked for me.

I've blogged about how I dealt with my daughter's bully in, Mall Bully Meets Modernista Mama. The blog caused a lot of controversy: How dare I bully the bully? How dare I crack a few jokes in the blog?

Well, to clear up that controversy, I will say, that it is a blog post, not intended as an essay or news' article and thus the post is casual and written with a little humor (at myself) in the fist paragraph. And I stand by everything I did to that bully. In a world of men and boys thinking they can dominate and abuse women--I will do what ever it takes to set the boy straight. The sooner he learns it's not okay to abuse women and girls-the better his chances of leading a good and happy life--this is the teacher in me. I actually do care what happens to the bully boy. Obviously, he needs a strong adult in his life to tell him what is and isn't okay. Tough love. But most importantly, I work for my girls. No one messes with my girls..

Mall Bully Meets MODERNISTA MAMA

No One Messes with My Babies

A bad mall experience yesterday. My daughter Tabs and niece Nem really wanted to go the local mall (and only mall in this small city). They had designed a graphic for matching t-shirts. A store in the mall could print these T's up for them in less than 1/2 h (I had a dreadful pinched neck nerve and really wanted to stay home and nurse my wound, but alas, I had said I would take them).
They wanted space, that is, to explore the mall on their own for an hour and 1/2 and then meet up with me. I coached them on all of our safety rules: any stranger watching them, talking to them or following them, they were to immediately go into a shop and tell the shop worker to call mall security and to phone me.  I was going to be at Starbucks in the same mall.

I purchased a pair of burnt Orange American Eagle sweats (for over my Zumba skirts) and then proceeded to Starbucks--see above pic for a glimpse of the lovely sweats ;).
As I was paying for my venti black iced tea, Tabs and Nem came running in to Starbucks, desperate for my attention. They told me that a boy about aged 12-13 with two female cronies was following them around the mall, calling them F$@#ing little B@#$%#s. 
Apparently, they were innocently sitting inside a mall photo booth (posing for their mandatory best friends mall-photo to document their trip) when someone (the boy bully) started opening the curtain and harassing them. They told him to please stop as they were trying to take a picture. He then proceeded to yell profanity at them both. They exited the booth and tried to run from him. They stopped at a money machine when he caught up to them and yelled "Boo! You'll never get away from me you F---ing B------s!"
They then ran to Starbucks and found me.

No one threatens my babies. Tabs and Nem are two of the sweetest, kindest and innocent little girls out there. They love to sing, dance and still enjoy playing with their dolls (when the bully first appeared at the photo booth and asked them their ages they were innocent enough to answer the bully with the truth--despite my telling them to NEVER talk to strangers in the mall).

On receiving my iced tea (the weakest iced tea Starbucks has ever presented to me btw :P), I told the little girls to come with me and we would find this boy. The mall is quite large with many wings but we persevered. Finally, I said to the girls that perhaps we would have to give up and not let this bully spoil their shopping trip. And then suddenly, there he was in his light green t-shirt with a female little blonde cronie girl on each side. I whipped up behind him and tapped the young teen on his blonde shoulder.
"Excuse me, but were you harassing my daughter and niece?" I said.
"Ummm....not really," he murmured looking ready to faint. His young girl friends stood snickering.
"You were harassing them and stalking them and that is against the law. What you were doing is illegal and I could charge you with harassment and stalking," I said.
"Ummm...sorry..." he said, perhaps peeing his pants.
"Stay away from those girls. You are not to go anywhere near those girls, ever again," I said.
"...ok..."
"If I find out you've gone anywhere near them, ever again, I will hunt you down and I will press charges against you," I said.
"...ok...."
And then we walked away. His girlfriends were pathetic young girls with no self esteem obviously, as they followed this young loser around the mall snickering as he tormented young little girls. A character as vile as that young man will no doubt grow to a man that continues to abuse girls and women with violent assaults. I just hope I terrified the little loser enough that perhaps he will refrain from his abuse for fear of being arrested.
Needless to say, the girls are too young to be unaccompanied at the mall even if Mom/Auntie is waiting in another shop. They are too vulnerable to predators of all ages.
Mamas, watch your baby girls.  It seems bullies are lurking when you least expect it! And also make sure your girls are not some pathetic cronie of an even more pathetic teenage bully.

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